The Satyricon of Petronius Arbiter

 Table of Contents

 ILLUSTRATIONS

 THE SATYRICON OF PETRONIUS ARBITER VOLUME I. ADVENTURES OF ENCOLPIUS AND HIS COMPANIONS

 CHAPTER THE FIRST.

 CHAPTER THE SECOND.

 CHAPTER THE THIRD.

 CHAPTER THE FOURTH.

 CHAPTER THE FIFTH.

 CHAPTER THE SEVENTH.

 CHAPTER THE EIGHTH.

 CHAPTER THE NINTH.

 CHAPTER THE TENTH.

 CHAPTER THE ELEVENTH.

 (Ascyltos was for going to Naples that same day, but I protested the imprudence of going to any place where they would be on the lookout for us. Let'

 CHAPTER THE TWELFTH.

 CHAPTER THE THIRTEENTH.

 CHAPTER THE FOURTEENTH.

 But, with the exception of a two-as piece with which we had intended purchasing peas and lupines, there was nothing to hand so, for fear our loot sho

 CHAPTER THE FIFTEENTH.

 CHAPTER THE SIXTEENTH.

 CHAPTER THE SEVENTEENTH.

 CHAPTER THE EIGHTEENTH.

 Then she suddenly clapped her hands, and broke into such a peal of laughter that we were alarmed. The maid, who had been the first to arrive, did like

 CHAPTER THE NINETEENTH.

 CHAPTER THE TWENTIETH.

 CHAPTER THE TWENTY-FIRST.

 CHAPTER THE TWENTY-SECOND.

 CHAPTER THE TWENTY-THIRD.

 When he had finished his poetry, he slobbered a most evil-smelling kiss upon me, and then, climbing upon my couch, he proceeded with all his might and

 CHAPTER THE TWENTY-FOURTH.

 CHAPTER THE TWENTY-FIFTH.

 CHAPTER THE TWENTY-SIXTH.

 VOLUME II.

 CHAPTER THE TWENTY-SEVENTH.

 CHAPTER THE TWENTY-EIGHTH.

 NO SLAVE TO LEAVE THE PREMISES

 In the vestibule stood the porter, clad in green and girded with a cherry-colored belt, shelling peas into a silver dish. Above the threshold was susp

 CHAPTER THE TWENTY-NINTH.

 BEWARE THE DOG.

 My companions laughed, but I plucked up my courage and did not hesitate, but went on and examined the entire wall. There was a scene in a slave market

 CHAPTER THE THIRTIETH.

 TO GAIUS POMPEIUS TRIMALCHIO

 A double lamp, suspended from the ceiling, hung beneath the inscription, and a tablet was fixed to each door-post one, if my memory serves me, was in

 ON DECEMBER THIRTIETH AND

 the other bore a painting of the moon in her phases, and the seven planets, and the days which were lucky and those which were unlucky, distinguished

 CHAPTER THE THIRTY-FIRST.

 CHAPTER THE THIRTY-SECOND.

 CHAPTER THE THIRTY-THIRD.

 CHAPTER THE THIRTY-FOURTH.

 OPIMIAN FALERNIAN

 While we were studying the labels, Trimalchio clapped his hands and cried, Ah me! To think that wine lives longer than poor little man. Let's fill 'e

 CHAPTER THE THIRTY-FIFTH.

 CHAPTER THE THIRTY-SIXTH.

 CHAPTER THE THIRTY-SEVENTH.

 CHAPTER THE THIRTY-EIGHTH.

 CAIUS POMPONIUS DIOGENES HAS

 What do you think of the fellow in the freedman's place? He has a good front, too, hasn't he? And he has a right to. He saw his fortune multiplied te

 JULIUS PROCULUS WILL SELL AT

 CHAPTER THE THIRTY-NINTH.

 CHAPTER THE FORTIETH.

 CHAPTER THE FORTY-FIRST.

 CHAPTER THE FORTY-SECOND.

 CHAPTER THE FORTY-THIRD.

 CHAPTER THE FORTY-FOURTH.

 CHAPTER THE FORTY-FIFTH.

 CHAPTER THE FORTY-SIXTH

 CHAPTER THE FORTY-SEVENTH.

 CHAPTER THE FORTY-EIGHTH.

 CHAPTER THE FORTY-NINTH.

 CHAPTER THE FIFTIETH.

 CHAPTER THE FIFTY-FIRST.

 CHAPTER THE FIFTY-SECOND.

 CHAPTER THE FIFTY-THIRD.

 CHAPTER THE FIFTY-FOURTH.

 CHAPTER THE FIFTY-FIFTH.

 This epigram led up to a discussion of the poets, and for a long time, the greatest praise was bestowed upon Mopsus the Thracian, until Trimalchio bro

 CHAPTER THE FIFTY-SIXTH.

 CHAPTER THE FIFTY-SEVENTH.

 CHAPTER THE FIFTY-EIGHTH.

 CHAPTER THE FIFTY-NINTH.

 CHAPTER THE SIXTIETH.

 CHAPTER THE SIXTY-FIRST.

 CHAPTER THE SIXTY-SECOND.

 CHAPTER THE SIXTY-THIRD.

 CHAPTER THE SIXTY-FOURTH.

 CHAPTER THE SIXTY-FIFTH.

 CHAPTER THE SIXTY-SIXTH.

 CHAPTER THE SIXTY-SEVENTH.

 CHAPTER THE SIXTY-EIGHTH.

 CHAPTER THE SIXTY-NINTH.

 CHAPTER THE SEVENTIETH.

 CHAPTER THE SEVENTY-FIRST.

 --THIS MONUMENT DOES NOT--

 In any case, I'll see to it through a clause in my will, that I'm not insulted when I'm dead. And for fear the rabble comes running up into my monume

 HERE RESTS G POMPEIUS TRIMALCHIO

 CHAPTER THE SEVENTY-SECOND.

 CHAPTER THE SEVENTY-THIRD.

 CHAPTER THE SEVENTY-FOURTH.

 CHAPTER THE SEVENTY-FIFTH.

 CHAPTER THE SEVENTY-SIXTH.

 CHAPTER THE SEVENTY-SEVENTH.

 CHAPTER THE SEVENTY-EIGHTH.

 VOLUME III.

 CHAPTER THE SEVENTY-NINTH.

 But my self-congratulation was premature, for I was overcome with wine, and when my unsteady hands relaxed their hold, Ascyltos, that never-failing we

 CHAPTER THE EIGHTIETH.

 CHAPTER THE EIGHTY-FIRST.

 CHAPTER THE EIGHTY-SECOND.

 CHAPTER THE EIGHTY-THIRD.

 CHAPTER THE EIGHTY-FOURTH.

 CHAPTER THE EIGHTY-FIFTH.

 CHAPTER THE EIGHTY-SIXTH.

 CHAPTER THE EIGHTY-SEVENTH.

 CHAPTER THE EIGHTY-EIGHTH.

 CHAPTER THE EIGHTY-NINTH.

 CHAPTER THE NINTIETH.

 CHAPTER THE NINETY-FIRST.

 (And furthermore, I went on), I was not the one that laid the cause of our love before another judge, but I will complain no more, I will remember

 CHAPTER THE NINETY-SECOND.

 (Our philosopher began to moralize, when he had gorged himself, leveling many critical shafts at those who hold every-day things in contempt, esteemin

 CHAPTER THE NINETY-THIRD.

 Is this the way in which you keep your promise not to recite a single verse today? I demanded bear in mind your promise and spare us, at least, fo

 CHAPTER THE NINETY-FOURTH.

 CHAPTER THE NINETY-FIFTH.

 CHAPTER THE NINETY-SIXTH.

 CHAPTER THE NINETY-SEVENTH.

 CHAPTER THE NINETY-EIGHTH.

 VOLUME IV.

 CHAPTER THE NINETY-NINTH.

 (To me, this advice seemed both sound and practical, because it would free me from any annoyance by Ascyltos, and because it gave promise of a happier

 CHAPTER THE ONE HUNDREDTH.

 CHAPTER THE ONE HUNDRED AND FIRST.

 CHAPTER THE ONE HUNDRED AND SECOND.

 CHAPTER THE ONE HUNDRED AND THIRD.

 CHAPTER THE ONE HUNDRED AND FOURTH.

 Still, what's to prevent our searching the ship? said Lycas, after he had expiated Tryphaena's dream, so that we will not be guilty of neglecting t

 CHAPTER THE ONE HUNDRED AND FIFTH.

 CHAPTER THE ONE HUNDRED AND SIXTH.

 (Lycas, as he perceived that Tryphaena was as eager as himself for revenge, gave orders for our punishment to be renewed and made more drastic, whereu

 CHAPTER THE ONE HUNDRED AND SEVENTH.

 CHAPTER THE ONE HUNDRED AND EIGHTH.

 CHAPTER THE ONE HUNDRED AND NINTH.

 CHAPTER THE ONE HUNDRED AND TENTH.

 CHAPTER THE ONE HUNDRED AND ELEVENTH.

 CHAPTER THE ONE HUNDRED AND TWELFTH.

 But why should I keep you longer in suspense? The lady observed the same abstinence when it came to this part of her body, and the victorious soldier

 CHAPTER THE ONE HUNDRED AND THIRTEENTH.

 (In spite of my ill-humor, Lycas saw how well my golden curls became me and, becoming enamoured anew, began winking his wanton eyes at me and) sought

 CHAPTER THE ONE HUNDRED AND FOURTEENTH.

 CHAPTER THE ONE HUNDRED AND FIFTEENTH.

 CHAPTER THE ONE HUNDRED AND SIXTEENTH.

 CHAPTER THE ONE HUNDRED AND SEVENTEENTH.

 CHAPTER THE ONE HUNDRED AND EIGHTEENTH.

 CHAPTER THE ONE HUNDRED AND NINETEENTH.

 CHAPTER THE ONE HUNDRED AND TWENTIETH.

 CHAPTER THE ONE HUNDRED AND TWENTY-FIRST.

 CHAPTER THE ONE HUNDRED AND TWENTY-SECOND.

 CHAPTER THE ONE HUNDRED AND TWENTY-THIRD.

 CHAPTER THE ONE HUNDRED AND TWENTY-FOURTH.

 When Eumolpus had, with great volubility, poured out this flood of words, we came at last to Crotona. Here we refreshed ourselves at a mean inn, but o

 VOLUME V.

 CHAPTER THE ONE HUNDRED AND TWENTY-FIFTH.

 CHAPTER THE ONE HUNDRED AND TWENTY-SIXTH.

 After a little more teasing, I requested the maid to conduct her mistress to a clump of plane trees. Pleased with this plan, the girl picked up the sk

 CHAPTER THE ONE HUNDRED AND TWENTY-SEVENTH.

 Side by side upon the grassy plot we lay, exchanging a thousand kisses, the prelude to more poignant pleasure, (but alas! My sudden loss of vigor disa

 CHAPTER THE ONE HUNDRED AND TWENTY-EIGHT.

 (The misfortune seemed to me a dream, but I imagined that I must surely be under a spell of enchantment and, for a long time, I was so devoid of stren

 CHAPTER THE ONE HUNDRED AND TWENTY-NINTH.

 CHAPTER THE ONE HUNDRED AND THIRTIETH.

 CHAPTER THE ONE HUNDRED AND THIRTY-FIRST.

 When she had made an end of this incantation she ordered me to spit three times, and three times to drop stones into my bosom, each stone she wrapped

 Fanning herself with a branch of flowering myrtle, she lay, stretched out with her marble neck resting upon a golden cushion. When she caught sight of

 CHAPTER THE ONE HUNDRED AND THIRTY-SECOND.

 Raising myself upon my elbow I rebuked the shirker in some such terms as these: What have you to say for yourself, you disgrace to gods and men, I d

 When I had made an end of this invective, so out of keeping with good taste, I began to do penance for my soliloquy and blushed furtively because I ha

 Nothing can be more insincere than the silly prejudices of mankind, and nothing sillier than the morality of bigotry,

 CHAPTER THE ONE HUNDRED AND THIRTY-THIRD.

 While I was engaged in this diplomatic effort in behalf of the affected member, a hideous crone with disheveled hair, and clad in black garments which

 CHAPTER THE ONE HUNDRED AND THIRTY-FOURTH.

 She seated herself upon the other side of the bed and in quavering tones commenced to accuse the delays of old age. At last the priestess came in. Wh

 CHAPTER THE ONE HUNDRED AND THIRTY-FIFTH.

 CHAPTER THE ONE HUNDRED AND THIRTY-SIXTH.

 By this time the two remaining geese had picked up the beans which had been scattered all over the floor and bereft, I suppose, of their leader, had g

 CHAPTER THE ONE HUNDRED AND THIRTY SEVENTH.

 Please don't make such a fuss, I said, I'll give you an ostrich in place of your goose! While she sat upon the cot and, to my stupefaction, bewail

 In the meantime, she scurried around and put a jar of wine under my hands and, when my fingers had all been spread out evenly, she purified them with

 CHAPTER THE ONE HUNDRED AND THIRTY-EIGHTH.

 CHAPTER THE ONE HUNDRED AND THIRTY-NINTH.

 (Tortured by these cares I spent the whole night in anxiety, and at dawn, Giton, who had found out that I had slept at home, entered the room and bitt

 CHAPTER THE ONE HUNDRED AND FORTIETH.

 Every word of this is true, I insisted, and no one deserves to get into trouble more quickly than he who covets the goods of others! How could chea

 CHAPTER THE ONE HUNDRED AND FORTY-FIRST.

 PROSTITUTION.

 PAEDERASTIA.

 CHAPTER 9. Gladiator obscene:--

 CHAPTER 17.

 CHAPTER 26.

 CHAPTER 34. Silver Skeleton, et seq.

 ALIAE. RESTITVTAE. ANIMAE. DVLCISSIMAE.

 In this inscription, it is almost impossible to translate the last three words. While we live, let us live, is inadequate, to say the least. So far

 CHAPTER 36.

 CHAPTER 40.

 CHAPTER 56. Contumelia--Contus and Melon (malum).

 The myth of Cydippe and Acontius is still another example, as is the legend of Atalanta and Hippomenes or Meilanion, to which Suetonius (Tiberius, cha

 CHAPTER 116.

 CHAPTER 116.

 Pliny the Elder, Historia Naturalis, lib. XIV, chap. i, writes in scathing terms against the infamous practice of paying assiduous court to old people

 CHAPTER 119. The rite of the Persians:

 CHAPTER 127.

 Another exquisite and illuminating passage occurs in Catullus, 51, given in Marchena's fourth note.

 CHAPTER 131.

 CHAPTER 131. Medio sustulit digito:

 See also Dio Chrysostom, xxxiii. Neither, says Lampridius, Life of Heliogabalus, was he given to demand infamies in words when he could indicate sh

 CHAPTER 138.

 THE CORDAX.

 This starveling snub-nosed dancer was old, repulsive, and nastily gay. Drops of sweat mixed with paint were trickling from his shaven forehead his w

 TO THE ARMY OF THE RHINE.

 I.

 Fighting men have in all times been distinguished on account of the beauty of their women. The charming fable of the loves of Venus and Mars, describe

 II.

 The profession of Quartilla corresponded to that which is followed by our ladies of the Palace Royal. This Palace Royal is a sort of Babylon, with thi

 III.

 One of the reasons which caused the learned and paradoxical Hardouin to assert that all the works which have been attributed to the ancients, with the

 'Tis said from smooth-faced ingle train

 The Christian religion strongly prohibits this love the theologians put it among the sins which directly offend against the Holy Ghost. I have not th

 IV.

 The theologians class this species of lascivious feeling with pollution which is complete when it produces a result. The Holy Scripture tells us of On

 In the minds of the theologians pollution is synonymous with all pleasures with persons of the opposite or the same sex, which result in a waste of th

 After that we should never again exhort the ministers and moralists to inveigh against love of women for women never was the interest of men found to

 V.

 All people have regarded virginity as something sacred, and God has so honored it that he willed that his son be born of a virgin, fecundated, however

 Christianity, most spiritual, most mystical of ancient religions, attempts to make out a great case for celibacy. Its founder never married, although

 VI.

 The question here has to do with a procurers or go-between. That profession has gradually fallen into discredit by I know not what fatality, which bef

Fighting men have in all times been distinguished on account of the beauty of their women. The charming fable of the loves of Venus and Mars, described by the most ancient of poets, expresses allegorically, this truth. All the demi-gods had their amorous adventures; the most valiant were always the most passionate and the happiest. Hercules took the maidenheads of fifty girls, in a single night. Thesus loved a thousand beauties, and slept with them. Jason abandoned Hypsipyle for Medea, and her, for Creusa. Achilles, the swift of foot, forgot the tender Deidamia in the arms of his Briseis.

It has been remarked that the lovers did not have very scrupulous tastes in their methods of attaining satisfaction from the women they loved. The most common method was abduction and the women always submitted to this without a murmur of any sort. Helen was carried off by Theseus, after having also been abducted by Paris. The wife of Atreus was abducted by Thyestus, and from that arose the implacable hatred between the two families. Rape was no less common. Goddesses themselves and the favorites of the Gods were at the risk of falling prey to strong mortals. Pirithous, aided by Theseus, even attempted to snatch Proserpina from the God of the under-world. Juno herself was compelled to painful submission to the pursuit of Ixion, and Thetis succumbed despite herself, to the assaults of Peleus. The gift of foretelling the future, with which Apollo endowed Cassandra, did not insure her against the brutal caresses of Ajax, son of Oileus.

In the infancy of society, there was never known any other distinction except between the weak and the strong: the strong commanded and the weak obeyed. For that reason, women were regarded in the light of beings destined by nature, to serve the pleasures and even the caprices of men. Never did her suitors express a tender thought for Penelope, and, instead of making love to her, they squandered her property, slept with her slaves, and took charge of things in her house.

Circe gave herself to Ulysses who desired to slay her, and Calypso, full blown goddess as she was, was obliged to make his advances for him. The fine sentiments that Virgil puts into the mouth of the shade of Creusa, content with having died while serving against the Greeks, "she was a Trojan, and she wedded the son of Venus"; the confession with which Andromache, confronted by the murderer of her first husband, responds to the question of AEneas; these ideas, I say, and these sentiments, appertained to the polished century of Augustus and not to the epoch or, scene of the Trojan War. Virgil, in his AEneid, had never subscribed to the precepts of Horace, and of common sense:

Aut famam sequere, aut sibi convenientia finge

Horace Ars Poet. 119.

From this manner of dealing with women arose another reason for the possession of beauty by the valiant. One coveted a woman much as one would covet a fine flock of sheep, and, in the absence of laws, the one in possession of either the one or the other of these desirable objects would soon be dispossessed of them if he was not courageous enough to guard them against theft. Wars were as much enterprises for ravishing women as they were for taking other property, and one should remember that Agamemnon promised to retire from before Troy if the Trojans would restore Helen and his riches to Menelaus; things which Paris had despoiled him of.

Also, there was never any of that thing we call "conjugal honor" among the Greeks; that idea was far too refined; it was a matter too complex ever to have entered the heads of these semi-barbarous people. This is exemplified in the fact that, after the taking of Troy, Helen, who had, of her own free will, belonged successively to Paris, and to Deiphobus, afterwards returned to Menelaus, who never offered her any reproach. That conduct of Menelaus was so natural that Telemachus, who, in his trip to Sparta found Helen again with Menelaus, just as she was before her abduction, did not show the least astonishment.

The books which bear the most remarkable resemblance to each other are the Bible and Homer, because the people they describe and the men about whom they speak are forerunners of civilization in pretty much the same degree. Sarah was twice snatched from the bosom of Abraham and he was never displeased with his wife and continued to live on good terms with her. David, a newcomer on the throne, hastened to have Michol brought to him although she had already married another man.

The best proof that, during the time of the Romans the women preferred soldiers to other men is in the claims to successful enterprises by the bragging soldier of Plautus. Pyrgopolinices thought it was only necessary to pose as a great warrior, to have all the women chasing after him; therefore, his parasite and his slave spoke of nothing but the passions be inspired in women. Tradition has it that among the Samnites, the bravest men had the choice of the fairest women, and to this custom is attributed one of the reasons these people were so warlike.

In the times of chivalry the greatest exploits were achieved for the pleasure of one's Lady-Love, and there were even such valiant knights, as Don Quixote, who went about the world proving by force of arms that their ladies had no peer. The poverty-stricken troubadours singing harmoniously about their beautiful women found them flying away in the arms of knights who had broken lances at tournaments, or had performed the greatest feats of arms. In fine, all the peoples of the world have said with Dryden:

"None but the brave deserves the fair."