The Satyricon of Petronius Arbiter

 Table of Contents

 ILLUSTRATIONS

 THE SATYRICON OF PETRONIUS ARBITER VOLUME I. ADVENTURES OF ENCOLPIUS AND HIS COMPANIONS

 CHAPTER THE FIRST.

 CHAPTER THE SECOND.

 CHAPTER THE THIRD.

 CHAPTER THE FOURTH.

 CHAPTER THE FIFTH.

 CHAPTER THE SEVENTH.

 CHAPTER THE EIGHTH.

 CHAPTER THE NINTH.

 CHAPTER THE TENTH.

 CHAPTER THE ELEVENTH.

 (Ascyltos was for going to Naples that same day, but I protested the imprudence of going to any place where they would be on the lookout for us. Let'

 CHAPTER THE TWELFTH.

 CHAPTER THE THIRTEENTH.

 CHAPTER THE FOURTEENTH.

 But, with the exception of a two-as piece with which we had intended purchasing peas and lupines, there was nothing to hand so, for fear our loot sho

 CHAPTER THE FIFTEENTH.

 CHAPTER THE SIXTEENTH.

 CHAPTER THE SEVENTEENTH.

 CHAPTER THE EIGHTEENTH.

 Then she suddenly clapped her hands, and broke into such a peal of laughter that we were alarmed. The maid, who had been the first to arrive, did like

 CHAPTER THE NINETEENTH.

 CHAPTER THE TWENTIETH.

 CHAPTER THE TWENTY-FIRST.

 CHAPTER THE TWENTY-SECOND.

 CHAPTER THE TWENTY-THIRD.

 When he had finished his poetry, he slobbered a most evil-smelling kiss upon me, and then, climbing upon my couch, he proceeded with all his might and

 CHAPTER THE TWENTY-FOURTH.

 CHAPTER THE TWENTY-FIFTH.

 CHAPTER THE TWENTY-SIXTH.

 VOLUME II.

 CHAPTER THE TWENTY-SEVENTH.

 CHAPTER THE TWENTY-EIGHTH.

 NO SLAVE TO LEAVE THE PREMISES

 In the vestibule stood the porter, clad in green and girded with a cherry-colored belt, shelling peas into a silver dish. Above the threshold was susp

 CHAPTER THE TWENTY-NINTH.

 BEWARE THE DOG.

 My companions laughed, but I plucked up my courage and did not hesitate, but went on and examined the entire wall. There was a scene in a slave market

 CHAPTER THE THIRTIETH.

 TO GAIUS POMPEIUS TRIMALCHIO

 A double lamp, suspended from the ceiling, hung beneath the inscription, and a tablet was fixed to each door-post one, if my memory serves me, was in

 ON DECEMBER THIRTIETH AND

 the other bore a painting of the moon in her phases, and the seven planets, and the days which were lucky and those which were unlucky, distinguished

 CHAPTER THE THIRTY-FIRST.

 CHAPTER THE THIRTY-SECOND.

 CHAPTER THE THIRTY-THIRD.

 CHAPTER THE THIRTY-FOURTH.

 OPIMIAN FALERNIAN

 While we were studying the labels, Trimalchio clapped his hands and cried, Ah me! To think that wine lives longer than poor little man. Let's fill 'e

 CHAPTER THE THIRTY-FIFTH.

 CHAPTER THE THIRTY-SIXTH.

 CHAPTER THE THIRTY-SEVENTH.

 CHAPTER THE THIRTY-EIGHTH.

 CAIUS POMPONIUS DIOGENES HAS

 What do you think of the fellow in the freedman's place? He has a good front, too, hasn't he? And he has a right to. He saw his fortune multiplied te

 JULIUS PROCULUS WILL SELL AT

 CHAPTER THE THIRTY-NINTH.

 CHAPTER THE FORTIETH.

 CHAPTER THE FORTY-FIRST.

 CHAPTER THE FORTY-SECOND.

 CHAPTER THE FORTY-THIRD.

 CHAPTER THE FORTY-FOURTH.

 CHAPTER THE FORTY-FIFTH.

 CHAPTER THE FORTY-SIXTH

 CHAPTER THE FORTY-SEVENTH.

 CHAPTER THE FORTY-EIGHTH.

 CHAPTER THE FORTY-NINTH.

 CHAPTER THE FIFTIETH.

 CHAPTER THE FIFTY-FIRST.

 CHAPTER THE FIFTY-SECOND.

 CHAPTER THE FIFTY-THIRD.

 CHAPTER THE FIFTY-FOURTH.

 CHAPTER THE FIFTY-FIFTH.

 This epigram led up to a discussion of the poets, and for a long time, the greatest praise was bestowed upon Mopsus the Thracian, until Trimalchio bro

 CHAPTER THE FIFTY-SIXTH.

 CHAPTER THE FIFTY-SEVENTH.

 CHAPTER THE FIFTY-EIGHTH.

 CHAPTER THE FIFTY-NINTH.

 CHAPTER THE SIXTIETH.

 CHAPTER THE SIXTY-FIRST.

 CHAPTER THE SIXTY-SECOND.

 CHAPTER THE SIXTY-THIRD.

 CHAPTER THE SIXTY-FOURTH.

 CHAPTER THE SIXTY-FIFTH.

 CHAPTER THE SIXTY-SIXTH.

 CHAPTER THE SIXTY-SEVENTH.

 CHAPTER THE SIXTY-EIGHTH.

 CHAPTER THE SIXTY-NINTH.

 CHAPTER THE SEVENTIETH.

 CHAPTER THE SEVENTY-FIRST.

 --THIS MONUMENT DOES NOT--

 In any case, I'll see to it through a clause in my will, that I'm not insulted when I'm dead. And for fear the rabble comes running up into my monume

 HERE RESTS G POMPEIUS TRIMALCHIO

 CHAPTER THE SEVENTY-SECOND.

 CHAPTER THE SEVENTY-THIRD.

 CHAPTER THE SEVENTY-FOURTH.

 CHAPTER THE SEVENTY-FIFTH.

 CHAPTER THE SEVENTY-SIXTH.

 CHAPTER THE SEVENTY-SEVENTH.

 CHAPTER THE SEVENTY-EIGHTH.

 VOLUME III.

 CHAPTER THE SEVENTY-NINTH.

 But my self-congratulation was premature, for I was overcome with wine, and when my unsteady hands relaxed their hold, Ascyltos, that never-failing we

 CHAPTER THE EIGHTIETH.

 CHAPTER THE EIGHTY-FIRST.

 CHAPTER THE EIGHTY-SECOND.

 CHAPTER THE EIGHTY-THIRD.

 CHAPTER THE EIGHTY-FOURTH.

 CHAPTER THE EIGHTY-FIFTH.

 CHAPTER THE EIGHTY-SIXTH.

 CHAPTER THE EIGHTY-SEVENTH.

 CHAPTER THE EIGHTY-EIGHTH.

 CHAPTER THE EIGHTY-NINTH.

 CHAPTER THE NINTIETH.

 CHAPTER THE NINETY-FIRST.

 (And furthermore, I went on), I was not the one that laid the cause of our love before another judge, but I will complain no more, I will remember

 CHAPTER THE NINETY-SECOND.

 (Our philosopher began to moralize, when he had gorged himself, leveling many critical shafts at those who hold every-day things in contempt, esteemin

 CHAPTER THE NINETY-THIRD.

 Is this the way in which you keep your promise not to recite a single verse today? I demanded bear in mind your promise and spare us, at least, fo

 CHAPTER THE NINETY-FOURTH.

 CHAPTER THE NINETY-FIFTH.

 CHAPTER THE NINETY-SIXTH.

 CHAPTER THE NINETY-SEVENTH.

 CHAPTER THE NINETY-EIGHTH.

 VOLUME IV.

 CHAPTER THE NINETY-NINTH.

 (To me, this advice seemed both sound and practical, because it would free me from any annoyance by Ascyltos, and because it gave promise of a happier

 CHAPTER THE ONE HUNDREDTH.

 CHAPTER THE ONE HUNDRED AND FIRST.

 CHAPTER THE ONE HUNDRED AND SECOND.

 CHAPTER THE ONE HUNDRED AND THIRD.

 CHAPTER THE ONE HUNDRED AND FOURTH.

 Still, what's to prevent our searching the ship? said Lycas, after he had expiated Tryphaena's dream, so that we will not be guilty of neglecting t

 CHAPTER THE ONE HUNDRED AND FIFTH.

 CHAPTER THE ONE HUNDRED AND SIXTH.

 (Lycas, as he perceived that Tryphaena was as eager as himself for revenge, gave orders for our punishment to be renewed and made more drastic, whereu

 CHAPTER THE ONE HUNDRED AND SEVENTH.

 CHAPTER THE ONE HUNDRED AND EIGHTH.

 CHAPTER THE ONE HUNDRED AND NINTH.

 CHAPTER THE ONE HUNDRED AND TENTH.

 CHAPTER THE ONE HUNDRED AND ELEVENTH.

 CHAPTER THE ONE HUNDRED AND TWELFTH.

 But why should I keep you longer in suspense? The lady observed the same abstinence when it came to this part of her body, and the victorious soldier

 CHAPTER THE ONE HUNDRED AND THIRTEENTH.

 (In spite of my ill-humor, Lycas saw how well my golden curls became me and, becoming enamoured anew, began winking his wanton eyes at me and) sought

 CHAPTER THE ONE HUNDRED AND FOURTEENTH.

 CHAPTER THE ONE HUNDRED AND FIFTEENTH.

 CHAPTER THE ONE HUNDRED AND SIXTEENTH.

 CHAPTER THE ONE HUNDRED AND SEVENTEENTH.

 CHAPTER THE ONE HUNDRED AND EIGHTEENTH.

 CHAPTER THE ONE HUNDRED AND NINETEENTH.

 CHAPTER THE ONE HUNDRED AND TWENTIETH.

 CHAPTER THE ONE HUNDRED AND TWENTY-FIRST.

 CHAPTER THE ONE HUNDRED AND TWENTY-SECOND.

 CHAPTER THE ONE HUNDRED AND TWENTY-THIRD.

 CHAPTER THE ONE HUNDRED AND TWENTY-FOURTH.

 When Eumolpus had, with great volubility, poured out this flood of words, we came at last to Crotona. Here we refreshed ourselves at a mean inn, but o

 VOLUME V.

 CHAPTER THE ONE HUNDRED AND TWENTY-FIFTH.

 CHAPTER THE ONE HUNDRED AND TWENTY-SIXTH.

 After a little more teasing, I requested the maid to conduct her mistress to a clump of plane trees. Pleased with this plan, the girl picked up the sk

 CHAPTER THE ONE HUNDRED AND TWENTY-SEVENTH.

 Side by side upon the grassy plot we lay, exchanging a thousand kisses, the prelude to more poignant pleasure, (but alas! My sudden loss of vigor disa

 CHAPTER THE ONE HUNDRED AND TWENTY-EIGHT.

 (The misfortune seemed to me a dream, but I imagined that I must surely be under a spell of enchantment and, for a long time, I was so devoid of stren

 CHAPTER THE ONE HUNDRED AND TWENTY-NINTH.

 CHAPTER THE ONE HUNDRED AND THIRTIETH.

 CHAPTER THE ONE HUNDRED AND THIRTY-FIRST.

 When she had made an end of this incantation she ordered me to spit three times, and three times to drop stones into my bosom, each stone she wrapped

 Fanning herself with a branch of flowering myrtle, she lay, stretched out with her marble neck resting upon a golden cushion. When she caught sight of

 CHAPTER THE ONE HUNDRED AND THIRTY-SECOND.

 Raising myself upon my elbow I rebuked the shirker in some such terms as these: What have you to say for yourself, you disgrace to gods and men, I d

 When I had made an end of this invective, so out of keeping with good taste, I began to do penance for my soliloquy and blushed furtively because I ha

 Nothing can be more insincere than the silly prejudices of mankind, and nothing sillier than the morality of bigotry,

 CHAPTER THE ONE HUNDRED AND THIRTY-THIRD.

 While I was engaged in this diplomatic effort in behalf of the affected member, a hideous crone with disheveled hair, and clad in black garments which

 CHAPTER THE ONE HUNDRED AND THIRTY-FOURTH.

 She seated herself upon the other side of the bed and in quavering tones commenced to accuse the delays of old age. At last the priestess came in. Wh

 CHAPTER THE ONE HUNDRED AND THIRTY-FIFTH.

 CHAPTER THE ONE HUNDRED AND THIRTY-SIXTH.

 By this time the two remaining geese had picked up the beans which had been scattered all over the floor and bereft, I suppose, of their leader, had g

 CHAPTER THE ONE HUNDRED AND THIRTY SEVENTH.

 Please don't make such a fuss, I said, I'll give you an ostrich in place of your goose! While she sat upon the cot and, to my stupefaction, bewail

 In the meantime, she scurried around and put a jar of wine under my hands and, when my fingers had all been spread out evenly, she purified them with

 CHAPTER THE ONE HUNDRED AND THIRTY-EIGHTH.

 CHAPTER THE ONE HUNDRED AND THIRTY-NINTH.

 (Tortured by these cares I spent the whole night in anxiety, and at dawn, Giton, who had found out that I had slept at home, entered the room and bitt

 CHAPTER THE ONE HUNDRED AND FORTIETH.

 Every word of this is true, I insisted, and no one deserves to get into trouble more quickly than he who covets the goods of others! How could chea

 CHAPTER THE ONE HUNDRED AND FORTY-FIRST.

 PROSTITUTION.

 PAEDERASTIA.

 CHAPTER 9. Gladiator obscene:--

 CHAPTER 17.

 CHAPTER 26.

 CHAPTER 34. Silver Skeleton, et seq.

 ALIAE. RESTITVTAE. ANIMAE. DVLCISSIMAE.

 In this inscription, it is almost impossible to translate the last three words. While we live, let us live, is inadequate, to say the least. So far

 CHAPTER 36.

 CHAPTER 40.

 CHAPTER 56. Contumelia--Contus and Melon (malum).

 The myth of Cydippe and Acontius is still another example, as is the legend of Atalanta and Hippomenes or Meilanion, to which Suetonius (Tiberius, cha

 CHAPTER 116.

 CHAPTER 116.

 Pliny the Elder, Historia Naturalis, lib. XIV, chap. i, writes in scathing terms against the infamous practice of paying assiduous court to old people

 CHAPTER 119. The rite of the Persians:

 CHAPTER 127.

 Another exquisite and illuminating passage occurs in Catullus, 51, given in Marchena's fourth note.

 CHAPTER 131.

 CHAPTER 131. Medio sustulit digito:

 See also Dio Chrysostom, xxxiii. Neither, says Lampridius, Life of Heliogabalus, was he given to demand infamies in words when he could indicate sh

 CHAPTER 138.

 THE CORDAX.

 This starveling snub-nosed dancer was old, repulsive, and nastily gay. Drops of sweat mixed with paint were trickling from his shaven forehead his w

 TO THE ARMY OF THE RHINE.

 I.

 Fighting men have in all times been distinguished on account of the beauty of their women. The charming fable of the loves of Venus and Mars, describe

 II.

 The profession of Quartilla corresponded to that which is followed by our ladies of the Palace Royal. This Palace Royal is a sort of Babylon, with thi

 III.

 One of the reasons which caused the learned and paradoxical Hardouin to assert that all the works which have been attributed to the ancients, with the

 'Tis said from smooth-faced ingle train

 The Christian religion strongly prohibits this love the theologians put it among the sins which directly offend against the Holy Ghost. I have not th

 IV.

 The theologians class this species of lascivious feeling with pollution which is complete when it produces a result. The Holy Scripture tells us of On

 In the minds of the theologians pollution is synonymous with all pleasures with persons of the opposite or the same sex, which result in a waste of th

 After that we should never again exhort the ministers and moralists to inveigh against love of women for women never was the interest of men found to

 V.

 All people have regarded virginity as something sacred, and God has so honored it that he willed that his son be born of a virgin, fecundated, however

 Christianity, most spiritual, most mystical of ancient religions, attempts to make out a great case for celibacy. Its founder never married, although

 VI.

 The question here has to do with a procurers or go-between. That profession has gradually fallen into discredit by I know not what fatality, which bef

CHAPTER THE ONE HUNDRED AND FIFTEENTH.

Just then, amid that clamor of voices we heard a peculiar noise, and from beneath the captain's cabin there came a bellowing as of some wild beast trying to get out. We then followed up the sound and discovered Eumolpus, sitting there scribbling verses upon an immense sheet of parchment! Astounded that he could find time to write poetry at death's very door, we hauled him out, in spite of his protests, and ordered him to return to his senses, but he flew into a rage at being interrupted; "Leave me alone until I finish this sentence," he bawled; "the poem labors to its birth." Ordering Giton to come to close quarters and help me drag the bellowing bard ashore, I laid hands upon the lunatic. When this job had at last been completed, we came, wet and wretched, to a fisherman's hut and refreshed ourselves somewhat with stores from the wreck, spoiled though they were by salt water, and passed a night that was almost interminable. As we were holding a council, next day, to determine to what part of the country we had best proceed, I suddenly caught sight of a human body, turning around in a gentle eddy and floating towards the shore. Stricken with melancholy, I stood still and began to brood, with wet eyes, upon the treachery of the sea. "And perhaps," said I, "a wife, safe in some far-away country of the earth, awaits this man, or a son who little dreams of storms or wrecks; or perhaps he left behind a father, whom he kissed good-by at parting! Such is the end of mortal's plans, such is the outcome of great ambitions! See how man rides the waves!" Until now, I had been sorrowing for a mere stranger, but a wave turned the face, which had undergone no change, towards the shore, and I recognized Lycas; so evil- tempered and so unrelenting but a short time before, now cast up almost at my feet! I could no longer restrain the tears, at this; I beat my breast again and yet again, with my hands. "Where is your evil temper now?" I cried. "Where is your unbridled passion? You be there, a prey to fish and wild beasts, you who boasted but a little while ago of the strength of your command. Now you have not a single plank left of your great ship! Go on, mortals; set your hearts upon the fulfillment of great ambitions: Go on, schemers, and in your wills control for a thousand years the disposal of the wealth you got by fraud! Only yesterday this man audited the accounts of his family estate, yea, even reckoned the day he would arrive in his native land and settled it in his mind! Gods and goddesses, how far he lies from his appointed destination! But the waves of the sea are not alone in thus keeping faith with mortal men: The warrior's weapons fail him; the citizen is buried beneath the ruins of his own penates, when engaged in paying his vows to the gods; another falls from his chariot and dashes out his ardent spirit; the glutton chokes at dinner; the niggard starves from abstinence. Give the dice a fair throw and you will find shipwreck everywhere! Ah, but one overwhelmed by the waves obtains no burial! As though it matters in what manner the body, once it is dead, is consumed: by fire, by flood, by time! Do what you will, these all achieve the same end. Ah, but the beasts will mangle the body! As though fire would deal with it any more gently; when we are angry with our slaves that is the punishment which we consider the most severe. What folly it is, then, to do everything we can to prevent the grave from leaving any part of us behind when the Fates will look out for us, event against our wills." (After these reflections we made ready to pay the last rites to the corpse,) and Lycas was burned upon a funeral pyre raised by the hands of enemies, while Eumolpus, fixing his eyes upon the far distance to gain inspiration, composed an epitaph for the dead man:

HIS FATE WAS UNAVOIDABLE

NO ROCK-HEWN TOMB NOR SCULPTURED MARBLE HIS,

HIS NOBLE CORPSE FIVE FEET OF EARTH RECEIVED,

HE RESTS IN PEACE BENEATH THIS HUMBLE MOUND.