SONGS OF EDUCATION

SONGS OF EDUCATION

Gilbert Keith Chesterton

I. HISTORY

The Roman threw us a road, a road, And sighed and strolled away: The Saxon gave us a raid, a raid, A raid that came to stay; The Dane went west, but the Dane confessed That he went a bit too far; And we all became, by another name, The Imperial race we are.

The Imperial race, the inscrutable race, The invincible race we are.

Though Sussex hills are bare, are bare, And Sussex weald is wide, From Chichester to Chester Men saw the Norman ride; He threw his sword in the air and sang To a sort of a light guitar; It was all the same, for we all became The identical nobs we are.

The identical nobs, individual nobs, Unmistakable nobs we are.

The people lived on the land, the land, They pottered about and prayed; They built a cathedral here and there Or went on a small crusade: Till the bones of Becket were bundled out For the fun of a fat White Czar, And we all became, in spoil and flame, The intelligent lot we are.

The intelligent lot, the intuitive lot, The infallible lot we are.

O Warwick woods are green, are green, But Warwick trees can fall: And Birmingham grew so big, so big, And Stratford stayed so small. Till the hooter howled to the morning lark That sang to the morning star: And we all became, in freedom's name, The fortunate chaps we are.

The fortunate chaps, felicitous chaps, The fairy-like chaps we are.

The people, they left the land, the land, But they went on working hard: And the village green that had got mislaid Turned up in the squire's back-yard: But twenty men of us all got work On a bit of his motor car; And we all became, with the world's acclaim, The marvellous mugs we are:

The marvellous mugs, miraculous mugs, The mystical mugs we are.

II. GEOGRAPHY

The earth is a place on which England is found, And you find it however you twirl the globe round; For the spots are all red and the rest is all grey, And that is the meaning of Empire Day.

Gibraltar's a rock that you see very plain, And attached to its base is the district of Spain. And the island of Malta is marked further on, Where some natives were known as the Knights of St. John.

Then Cyprus, and east to the Suez Canal, That was conquered by Dizzy and Rothschild his pal With the Sword of the Lord in the old English way: And that is the meaning of Empire Day.

Our principal imports come far as Cape Horn; For necessities, cocoa; for luxuries, corn; Thus Brahmins are born for the rice-field, and thus, The Gods made the Greeks to grow currants for us; Of earth's other tributes are plenty to choose, Tobacco and petrol and Jazzing and Jews: The Jazzing will pass but the Jews they will stay; And that is the meaning of Empire Day.

Our principle exports, all labelled and packed, At the ends of the earth are delivered intact: Our soap or our salmon can travel in tins Between the two poles and as like as two pins; So that Lancashire merchants whenever they like Can water the beer of a man in Klondike Or poison the meat of a man in Bombay; And that is the meaning of Empire Day.

The day of St. George is a musty affair Which Russians and Greeks are permitted to share; The day of Trafalgar is Spanish in name And the Spaniards refuse to pronounce it the same; But the day of the Empire from Canada came With Morden and Borden and Beaverbrook's fame And saintly seraphical souls such as they: And that is the meaning of Empire Day.

V. THE HIGHER MATHEMATICS

Twice one is two, Twice two is four, But twice two is ninety-six if you know the way to score. Half of two is one, Half of four is two, But half of four is forty per cent. if your name is Montagu: For everything else is on the square If done by the best quadratics; And nothing is low in High Finance Or the Higher Mathematics.

A straight line is straight And a square mile is flat: But you learn in trigonometrics a trick worth two of that. Two straight lines Can't enclose a Space, But they can enclose a Corner to support the Chosen Race: For you never know what Dynamics do With the lower truths of Statics; And half of two is a touring car In the Higher Mathematics.

There is a place apart Beyond the solar ray, Where parallel straight lines can meet in an unofficial way. There is a room that holds The examiner or his clerks, Where you can square the circle or the man that gives the marks. Where you hide in the cellar and then look down On the poets that live in the attics; For the whole of the house is upside down